What is Smartasses Online?

It is a group of well educated donkeys walking down the center of the road.

No really, what is this web site about?

Well, if you insist. The founder of this site (DiamondBack) has another web site where he has been debunking some of the rumors that are spread on ICQ. He does this in a rather sarcastic manner which seems to appeal to people with a similar sense of humor (ie. smart asses). As a result he has met many interesting people and decided to create a site where they could gather and meet each other. The SAO has since become a social club for smartasses.

Can anyone join?

No way. You have to be a smartass.

Is there an age requirement for joining the SAO?

Due to the Child Online Protection Act (COPA), membership is restricted to applicants 13 and over. However, whether you are 13 or 60, we expect our members to behave as adults. The SAO is intended for adults and may not be suitable for everyone. Before filling out a membership application, we strongly suggest you look at our forums and decide for yourself if the SAO is right for you.

Do you have a privacy statement for this website?

Yes, you may view it at http://smartasses.org/privacy.html. In brief, we will not spam you or release your information to outside parties.

Why do I have to fill out an application to join the SAO?

The applications are used to screen out dumbasses, or as the smartass "sharks" like to call them... chum. For their own well being, dumbasses should stay clear of the SAO.

Shouldn't "smartass" be two words?

Yes, but one of the advantages of being a smartass is we can spell it anyway we want to.

Just what is it that makes someone a smartass?

Well, according to the dictionary, a smart ass is U.S. Slang for a clever, educated or mentally superior person.

Is that the best you can do? Sounds pretty lame.

Fine then, here's what a couple of our members have said:
Ween: Quite often when attempting to add a touch of smartarse to conversation or interaction, there is a desire to be explicitly insulting. This desire should be avoided at all all costs. Insults are fine, however subtlety is required to elevate insult to an art form.

Overuse of the perpendicular pronoun is definitely contrary to the spirit of smartarseism. Any twit can come up with a personal anecdote. These are often amusing but rarely instructive. A truly smartarse comment requires both generality and wit.

My final comment on what isn't smartarse leads to the often made mistake of hiding empty thoughts with surrealism... The joke "How many surrealists does it take to change a lightglobe" answer "Fish" is worthy of a smartarse. A comment that is completely absent of meaning and purpose is not.

Lizzardeau: I have always found that the people I class as smartasses can drop subtle comments into running conversations that only the sharpest tools in the shed catch. Aso... smartasses have a distinct tendency to be able to verbally shred someone in such a manner that the victim of said ass chewing actually thanks them for their perfect nsight

Smartasses .of the first water have a way of turning the ridiculous, sublime. You know you have mastered the "fine art" when you can cut to the bone without shedding a single drop of blood.

Lighthearted banter amongst fellow smartasses is all well and good...but out in the world among the dumbass people... cold calculating subtlety with a cruelly ironic twist of phrase sorts the wheat from the chaff. Those who's eyes gleam with shared humorous insight ARE the smartasses. Those who say, "Huh?", are chum. *eg*.

Could you give me an example of a smartass comment?

Sure. When Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." Winston didn't reply "F*** you, b****!" (which would have made him sound like a dumbass), but rather "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." Get the idea? It isn't about being the biggest ass, it's about being smarter.

What does *SAG* mean?

Smart Ass Grin, you'll probably be seeing a lot of 'em around here.

Okay, then what is a *WESAG*?

Wicked Evil Smart Ass Grin, usually preceded by... well, you'll see. *WESAG*

Are there any other abbreviations I should know?

Yes, there are many others you can find on the SAO Dictionary page.

Are there many smartasses on the Internet?

That is like asking if there are many newbies on AOL. The answer is yes, tons of them.

Where do smartasses come from?

From smart mommies, where else?

I mean, is there any geographical region that has the most smartasses?

Smartasses come from every continent and culture, but based on my experience, Australia seems to have the greatest concentration of smartasses to be found anywhere in this world. Ya just gotta love those Ozzies (if you can understand 'em).

Oh, so are you an Aussie?

Surprisingly, no... I'm an American. Go figure.

How can you tell if you are in deep trouble in the SAO forum?

Someone will *smile sweetly* in your direction. If this happens I recommend you immediately sell your computer as scrap metal. Not that it will help much, because you are already dead, you just don't know it yet.

Important Note: There is one exception to the *smiles sweetly* rule. If Sunny should smile sweetly in your direction is it just a sweet smile and not an omen of imminent doom. However, any other form of smile from Sunny is a certain Kiss Of Death.

Oh c'mon, are the forum members really that dangerous?

Let me put it this way... if you are a dumbass then you would be safer soaking in fish chum and swimming with Great White Sharks.

So are you saying I shouldn't post in the forum?

No, you can post in the forum all you want to as long as you are a smartass and are careful about not stepping on anyone's toes. But make a dumbass remark and the sharks will have you for breakfast.

I'm on AOL... will the forum be too difficult for me to use?

Heck no! It is really easy to post in the forum. C'mon in and join us. *smiles sweetly*

Is it true that is a chronic bed wetter?

While we don't know this for a fact, many of 's friends and acquaintances have reported that it is absolutely true. They also mentioned something about chronic masturbation, but we'd really rather not know about that.

May I post my Pyramid scheme, Multilevel Marketing ploy or other spam in your forum or guestbook?

Not if you value your life. All such spam posts will be eaten on sight by Spamzilla, our spam eating lizard. We will also track down your IP addy and report you to every authority from your ISP to the FBI. We absolutely, positively will not tolerate spam on our site, so don't waste your time posting it.

Is it okay to use HTML commands in my forum posts?

We recommend using Discus Formatting Tags in your forum posts. Some basic HTML tags will be recognized and URLs will be automatically converted to hot links. Note that if you try to combine HTML and Discus tags in the same post, the HTML tags will be ignored.

What do you call that lovely shade of red you use as a background?

For lack of a better name (yeah, right) we call it Blood Red... it helps to conceal the occasional "spill" in the forum when a DA wanders in. For graphics wizards who would like to match the color, the hex code is "#c40026", the RGB code is 196-0-38 or Hue: 232, Sat: 240, Lum: 92.

What's a sigraphic and how do I get one?

A "sigraphic" is a signature graphic that some members include at the end of their forum posts. You are welcome to include one in your posts using the "\image{mouse over comment}" tag provided the file size is not too large (try to keep it under 20k). If you want to use the same sigraphic often, please e-mail it to webmaster@smartasses.org or contact a Moderator and ask that it be included in the clipart collection. This will make it easier to post (you won't have to upload it each time, just use the "\sig{graphic_name}" tag) and it won't take as long to load after it is in the browser's disk cache. If you aren't a graphics wizard and need help, just kiss some butt make some friends and someone will probably make one for you. Note: Sigraphics must be in GIF format.

Does the SAO have any rules?

Not many, but there are a few.
  1. Smartasses respect other smartasses. There are more than enough dumbasses in this world to bash, so if you have a problem with another SA, take it to e-mail or ICQ (ie. handle it privately).
  2. Don't mess-up the forum. Our forum software is more robust than most, but there are a few things you shouldn't do. For example, don't post a message to every thread... it's been done before and causes problems. Excessive use of graphics is also discouraged... a few well chosen graphics adds to the fun, but too many (or too large) slows down the page loading for everyone, so please use discretion.
  3. Spoofing (ie. impersonating someone else) in the forum or chats is forbidden, it leads to mistrust and confusion.
  4. Rule 264, Section 32, Paragraph 7: No forum thread shall remain on topic for more than 24 hours. Typically, all non-sex related topics will degenerate into sex topics. Sex topics will degenerate into degenerate sex topics and be moved to the Back Room (you'll need a forum account to access these).
  5. Rule 5: Anything not covered by Rules 1 through 4 is hereby covered by Rule 5. This rule will be strictly enforced at all times.

This Smartasses Online isn't some kind of Internet cult, is it?

Yes it is. Now drink your KoolAid before it melts through the bottom of the cup.

I went to the chatroom but there was nobody there, do you ever have live chats?

We have regular chat times posted on the main page. The Aussie chats have been particularly good. Be sure to check the posted times and days since they are subject to change.

How do the members of the SAO communicate between chats?

Most of the action in the SAO takes place in the forums. This is where you can find us when there isn't a real-time chat taking place.

I want to link my homepage to the SAO, do you have any banners I can use?

Yes, click here to see our link banner page. Please link to: http://smartasses.org

Is it true that some of your members are not fond of cats?

Absolutely not true. In fact, we love cats just about every way you can imagine... barbecued, roasted, stir fried, etc.

How may I ask a smartass question?

Just e-mail it to webmaster@smartasses.org and we'll get back to you just as soon as someone bothers to check the mail.

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