Privacy Statement for
Smartasses Online

Smartasses Online has created this privacy statement in order to demonstrate our firm commitment to privacy. If this doesn’t demonstrate that determination, then you’re probably unable to conceive of the reality of what privacy really is. The following discloses our information gathering and dissemination practices for this website.

We use your IP address to help diagnose problems with our server and to administer our Web site as well as finding numbers to play in the lottery. We use cookies to save your forum username/password so it will be unnecessary to re-enter it each time you submit a post and for use with page counters. Oreo’s are our favorite but Chips Ahoy will work in a pinch. We also use sprinkles, but mostly for medicinal purposes.

This site contains links to other sites. We’re not exactly sure why anyone would want to look at another site, but we do it because we don’t want the internet to actually end. Smartasses Online is not responsible for the privacy practices or the content of such Web sites. Smartasses in general aren’t really responsible for their own words, as they just seem to pop out, but we’ve tried not to laugh at you personally.

Membership Information

This site collects information from new applicants for the purpose of determining qualification for membership. This information will not be used for marketing purposes or transferred to anyone outside the SAO. However, we may post applications within the SAO at our discretion, especially if they’re so hysterically funny, or stupid that we’re sure our membership will get a good laugh out of them. We, in the past, changed the names of the innocent, until we discovered that no one is really that innocent.

Public Forums

This site makes chat rooms, forum/message boards and guestbooks available to its users. Please remember that any information that is disclosed in these areas becomes public information and you should exercise caution when deciding to disclose your personal information. In other words, we can’t protect all the DA’s in the world.


E-mail sent to Smartasses Online becomes the property of this website. While private correspondence is generally treated as confidential, we reserve the right to forward or publish abusive or threatening e-mails and other messages, especially those from other galaxies. If you ARE from another galaxy, please remember that your message may take thousands of earth years for us to receive, and since, if you are reading this, it took just as long to get to you so more than likely, all members of the SAO as you see it now, have long since given up their membership and are very likely not to answer anything you have to say to them.


This site has security measures in place to protect the loss, misuse and alteration of the information under our control. This site also has many smartasses who will mess with your mind and alter both your mind as well as any suits you have sent in for cleaning. We’re not responsible for damage or lost buttons to any garment left in our care, nor are we responsible for ever returning it to you.

Contacting the Web Site Administrator

If you have any questions about this privacy statement, the practices of this site, or your dealings with this Web site, you may contact somebody and as soon as we figure out who that may be, we'll be in touch.

Thomas R. Pasawicz aka DiamondBack -

(Additional commentary provided by "WebGuy.")