The reason using glue or duct tape, to hold down my keyboard doesnt work, cause its hard to read the keyboard, this is why I make these mistakes..
Aussies declare war on Yanks: "It's spelled S-M-A-R-T-A-R-S-E you wankers!"
Topics - jawa
...If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth.
If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.
To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers
Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.
Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport ..
Need a lil computer help. Last year, I used SKYPE on a regular bases. But now Im having issues. I just reinstalled it, when I got the new hard drive. I also had issues before the hard drive blew up, so I just deleted SKYPE thinking it was that. But now I think its my microphone, BUT also maybe my sound card? I can hear, but when I plug in my microphone phone, or turn on skype, computer freezes. I thought it was skype. But yesterday, I went to check my microphone, and plugged it in, and went to my sound recorder, and computer froze. ANYTHING I do that has to do with a microphone, computer freezes. Could it be the sound card or the mic?
Its a cheap mic/headset. Like I said I used it before. I dont think I can even open up the recorder with out the mic plugged in. Hardware or software? Anyone?
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.
Remember: DON'T make old People mad!!!
WE DON'T like being old in the first place!!!, so it doesn't take much to piss us off!!
The Pope and Stephen Harper are on the same stage in Rogers Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Mr. Harper and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand
I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display,
but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Harper replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!
AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
How come all of a sudden, my mic doesnt work? I tried skyping last week, and it kept messing up. After looking into things, I pin pointed it to my microphone. But I cant fix it, cause I cant get into the microphone properties. I can get into my sound, but as soon as I go to microphone, either freezes or reboots. Is there another way of getting into the microphone properties, to try to fix it?
Atualy its a head set, and the headset works, just not the microphone part that doesnt work.
The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."
The second hunter says," I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says, "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says, " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunnert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"
The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission!"
A guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them... The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.
Each time the guy calls for another beer this happens. So after his third beer, he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!
He is laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?'
'Duh,' says the blonde, 'He has a licker license!'
HELP...hope I can type this before it messes up.
Screen is flashing, mouse dissappears, and sometimes reboots. When comes back, says there was an error.
As to the screen, red pixles are everywhere. Comes, then goes.
As to the mouse, it just vanashes. Comes back, then leaves again.
Want to take a screen shot, but never know when it will happen, and also, I tried to open a program, to view it, and computer messes up and cant view picture. The program opens, but screws up.
I know Im using Im sure wrong words, but Im trying to think fast, before the reboot.
Is this a windows problem? Video card? Hard drive? Or power supply?
Oh, also if I go to start, to open a program, the menue opens, but programs dont, just menues.
Hope I can see the answers.
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring ... You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You ... But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass Out All Day
« on: July 25, 2010, 07:28:47 PM »
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi ,was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"